Rih-diculous

Now Playing: The Writer - Ellie Goulding

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Hi, All!

I promise I will get a grasp on this whole "blogging" thing... it's bound to happen sometime (hopefully). It's a matter of finding something worthwhile to put on paper -- screen, rather -- that stem from these outlandish thoughts that float through this noggin of mine. Alas, here we are again, two weeks late and just as forgetful as ever. Hopefully I'll entertain.

The last few days I've tried to force my creative juices flowing in order to come up with alternative lyrics to Rihanna and Calvin Harris' hit song "We Found Love." No reasoning behind this pointless endeavor, just me driving from Naperville back to Brew City and finding any way possible to entertain myself. I substituted phrases like "We found nuns in a popeless place" and "We use rum as homeless bait" into the main chorus of the song. Yes, many of these resulted in an involuntary chuckle alone in my car. And, yes, crazy Chicagoans driving by may or may not have openly pointed at me to their children in their minivans (undoubtedly going 25mph over). But I remained unfazed.

This got me thinking, 'I could write a song just as well as any of these top dogs that flood our radios stations." I mean, think about it. Ke$ha (I just hated myself for putting that dollar sign in there). Her songs are basically synopses of her days -- from what she remembers -- and she makes millions! What does "Wake up in the morning feeling like P.Diddy" even mean? Does she feel like an egotistical millionaire black man who can't actually decide what his name should be? I mean, what the heck?

Other examples that come to mind are "Billionaire" by Travie McCoy and Bruno Mars, Backstreet Boys' "Everybody" and the absolutely ridiculous "novel" constructed by none other than the High Creep of All Creeps, R. Kelly: "Trapped in the Closet." Seriously, is this real life?:

"And she said please no don't stop / And I said I caught a cramp / And she said please keep on goin' / I said my leg is about to crack / Then she cries out/ Oh my goodness, I'm about to climax / And I said cool / Climax / Just let go of my leg" (Chapter 4)

And to think that this song was a chart-topper!

I didn't wake up this morning and decide, 'You know what? I'm gonna go online and bash the last decade of popular music.' Although these songs may have terrible lyrics, they sound much better than how they appear on paper. And even though I hate to admit it, R. Kelly has an exceptional set of vocal chords and exudes talent. And Bruno Mars? Voice of an angel. His last hit "It Will Rain" gives me goosebumps every time. And who doesn't love Ke$ha, I mean, honestly? You must admit that when "Your Love is my Drug" comes on that you find your knee bouncing or toe tapping along to the beat.

I just wish that the irrefutable, raw talent of these artists was equivalent to some of their lyrical choices. The Beatles -- arguably the most beloved band of all time -- found a harmony between these two components. Although "Yellow Submarine" is often questioned, it was actually written for kids, believe it or not. But beyond that, musical and lyrical genius. Although simple, "I Wanna Hold Your Hand" is one of the best songs, lyrically, ever (in my opinion). At least it makes sense.

I feel like with generations to come, songs about cooking breakfast in a third-floor loft or snorting cocaine off a toilet seat are going to fill our kids' ears in their hovercrafts. We have to stop this madness before it gets worse. Adults complain about music now? Psh, try 20, 30, 50 years.

Maybe some of these artists with great talent should just sit down and take an online Literature course or English class. I realize that most of these people don't even write their own lyrics, but hey, they can give suggestions to writers. Writers have to listen, or they wouldn't have a job. Come on, Katy Perry, use your cupcake boobs to your advantage and get someone to write better lyrics! Although "The One that Got Away" is pretty high quality.

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Once, again, a rant that really had no conclusive moral or theme seems to have been slapped on screen. But, I'm okay with that. I'm sure you've sat and thought of songs with horrid lyrics while in the midst of reading this. If you did, post them! I want to know more!

Thanks for hanging in there. Until next time,

erika

Struggle Central

Now Playing: Relator - Pete Yorn & Scarlett Johansson

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I am the worst at sticking to something I vow to do. And when I say that, of course I'm referring to the fact that I basically forgot about this blog the second I pressed "Publish Post" last week. Who would have thought that me forgetting about my blog inspired me to blog about forgetting things. Does that even make sense?

Now, there are the normal things one tends to forget about: doing the dishes when you're done, turning a light off, blowing a candle out (deadly, in case you didn't know). But I take forgetting to a whole new level. Forgetting to take the laptop off the top of my car before driving away and having it smash onto the freeway pavement (yeah, mom: you didn't know about that). Forgetting to get my change of $40 dollars at the grocery store, as well as an entire bag of food. Forgetting my phone was in my pocket as I jumped into the fountain back at home in good old Normal, Illinois.

Most of the time this "forgetting" nonsense is, plain and simple, bad. Although, they usually make for a good story. Regardless of the jokes we can make after the fact, we must focus on the process of forgetting itself: it means we left out an element of something. That our goal wasn't accomplished due to the process of "skipping a step" toward a goal... even if that goal is to simply keep my iPhone from getting waterlogged. These are just minor forgetful happenings. But forgetfulness can create life-changing issues, and these are the ones we need to focus on and actually care about, as well as be proactive about.

In America, one of the main objectives in life (for most of us, at least), is to make it on our own out in the real world. For many of us -- including me, -- that means moving away from home and starting school or work elsewhere. And those are the times that forgetfulness can screw you the heck over. In other words, forgetting to keep in contact with some of the people you truly care about. Or forgetting to write Mom a birthday card when she manages to send you a letter not only once, but every holiday, every year. Keeping positive ties is, in my opinion, the absolute worst thing to force to the back of your mind. These people made you happy while you were growing up, so why let that go to waste? They were there for you through sicknesses, break-ups and losses. Of course, you want to move on and grow. But, "moving on" doesn't mean you can't have relationships all over the map. These relationships can still grow even if you're apart and can turn into one of the biggest assets in your life.

There are obviously times where the goal itself is to forget. For instance, I wish all I could do is forget how my elementary school years ended with days full of ridicule and nights spent crying myself to sleep. How the only person I've ever truly loved didn't feel at all the same way. Or the fact that I wasn't close with my Grandpa before he died unexpectedly. Or that my Grandma is still so lost without him, even 10 years after his parting.

There is no moral to these thoughts or any solid conclusive sentence to leave you with. I guess these rambles stem from years of issues I've had with that little thing called "forgetfulness." I guess I'm just stirring up thoughts in hope that you'll stay on top of the goals that really matter. It can only benefit you in the long run.

Pardon the semi-depressing post; I know I said I'd entertain you. Maybe I did, but I doubt that I left you feeling anything near bliss. But I promise these will typically be spunky and fun! Just today was a little bit of an off-day. Thanks for sticking it out.

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If you really need entertainment, take a look: MARCEL IS BACK!!!

That's bound to cheer you up! :)

Until next time,

erika

Let meeee entertain you

Now Playing: You Won't Let Me - Rachael Yamagata

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A quick stop at Wal-Mart today to pick up a prescription sparked a sudden urge to celebrate Christmas like a grandma... obviously with crafting. What else would a 21-year-old senior in college want to do? And to think, all this was inspired by a glittery scented pinecone they stuck on an end cap to drown out the smell of Milwaukee construction and smelly children. Thanks for manipulating my young adult mind, Wally World. You trickster, you.

So, what other way to start my artistry than to head to MarthaStewart's website to get some ideas? Martha Stewart: although a little bit of a psychopath, she's got her stuff down. I think in order to be as successful as someone like her (well, that depends on how you define "success"), you have to be a little off in the noggin. Exploring that page can lead you to a.) discover new ideas to try within the comfort of your home, b.) distract you from work (whatever that may be) and c.) find something to spend your money on at your local Michael's or Hobby Lobby.

My good friends, Danielle and Erin, posted a Facebook picture of their successful attempt at creating one of Martha's holiday crafts: Magazine Christmas Trees. Not only does the site give step-by-step instructions, they also provide a video for those of you visual learners like me. However, in the hustle and bustle of failing at the next craft, no time was allowed today to make the cute little centerpieces. Later this week, I'm sure they're bound to be made (as long as I can find the motivation to put my fingers through agony due to creasing so many pages).

On to the second ambition of the day. My roommate and partner-in-crime for the evening, Kristi, told me about a craft she read about on Pinterest (her obsession) and we decided to dive in. Our drinking glasses always seem to escape the confines of our dated cabinets, so creating our own kitchenware using bottles around the house seemed like an inexpensive option. Given that we have tons -- probably too many -- wine and beer bottles in our house, these became our test subjects.

The process is nicely laid out on one of many how-to sites; I don't feel like typing it all out. Basically, using acetone or nail polish remover, cotton string, a bucket of cold water and some fiya (also known as fire), an ordinary person can create a smoothly-cut edge that can be sanded down to create the rounded lip of a drinking glass. Notice, however, that I said an ordinary person could do this. Since Kristi and I are extraordinary, we couldn't. Ever. No matter how many times we tried. Even searching for alternative ways only resulted in our eyes burning thanks to the amount of smoke in the house... and probably the guys' house upstairs. Oops. Not to mention the sound of every single one of our fire alarms going off probably interrupted their viewing of Monday Night Football or highlights of the Brewers' incredible season. Pictures are posted below of steps to help you reach ultimate failure just like we did. Enjoy.

But for real. Somebody please tell me that they've tried this, too, and couldn't achieve it, either. Then, at least I'd know that there are more than two of us idiots in the world. And then we could make a club: The Waste of Time and Effort Club. The name is a little raw, I know, but we can brainstorm a proper title at our first meeting.

As this may seem like an absolutely pointless post, it's not. And when I say "it's not," I mean it is. But hey, everyone has to start somewhere in the blogging world. So, here's my square one. With that, bear with me, guys. My goal in this escapade is not only to bring you all the comedic personality of Erika Hanson, but to also make way in the writing world and improve my skills across all sorts of media. As a major in Strategic Communications (advertising and PR in a nutshell), this kind of stuff does wonders to create a solid network. Now, I'm not sure if I'm supposed to address the reasoning behind my creating a blog, but I did it. So, deal with it (if you're still reading this and haven't gotten too bored). In the future, let me entertain you with rants from what rattles around inside this big, blonde head of mine.

"So, come on, let meeee entertain you..."

Funny how a murmuring a phrase can get a song stuck in your head. Dammit. Now I won't be able to sleep tonight.

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Fun Fact: I plan on always posting a "Now Playing" header at the beginning of all my posts, so please feel free to holler at me with some suggestions. But, don't get mad at me if I don't post your suggestion. This is my blog, so... yep. I love this feeling of power. Plus, the song I choose is subject to my mood, so if I post anything like Lonely Day by System of a Down, call my mom. That's just depressing.

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Oh, yeah! Here's the pictures I promised you:

1. Lighting the string and our hands on fire simultaneously. It looked cool but didn't smell cool.

2. Scrambling to get the bottle into cold water yet still nothing happens. And yes, those are yellow submarine ice cubes; they go great in Bloody Mary's! ;)

3. Kristi's attempt at a frown always turns into a smile. I guess the laughs we got from this occasion made it almost worth it.

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Theme of the night? Try and try again. And again. And again. And again. Until your house catches flame. Thanks for putting up with me. You rock; don't ever change. ;)

Until next time,

erika