Things That Didn't Matter in 2011

Now Playing - Boy with a Coin by Iron and Wine

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Hey All,

Tomorrow is the last day of 2011; sucks that next year we're all going to die! And no, I don't believe in that type of stuff, but I will be there to party the night before. You can count on that one, and that I'll be rocking out tomorrow at midnight for my last New Year's Celebration! Anyway, the end of the year has got me thinking, "What stupid things happened this year that were blown out of proportion beyond belief?" So, here's what I came up with (and these are my opinions, by the way):

Kim Kardashian and her Wedding

Okay, who the hell is Kim Kardashian? I mean, I know who she is, but why is she stamped on the front of every newspaper and magazine while leading a nearly pointless career? And I can't hate on her for that, but I can hate on her that she became a millionaire before even lifting a finger doing any sort of dirty work. I plan on working for a living! Not benefitting solely from the profitability of my last name (although I could join Hanson, I look like them). Not only does her existence in the celebrity world make me feel useless, her wedding was just... ugh. The icing on an annoying, plastic cake. And the news couldn't get enough of it! I couldn't watch TV for the next month without catching a glimpse of her ass that they somehow managed to completely cover with a white cloth. And I almost slow clapped to myself when I heard that her marriage lasted a whopping two-ish months. Pathetic, and makes "love" look like a joke. God has a sense of humor in that he created her and her family.

Michelle Obama's Clothes

I have that dress, too.

The Hats at Kate and Prince William's Wedding

First off, ew. Secondly, what is the purpose of smacking pictures of these ridiculous contraptions all over the internet and magazine stands? I hope that People Magazine decided it was necessary because they were too funny not to pass up. But the problem is, regardless of whether or not that was the purpose of publishing them, people started buying into that nonsense! I can't even begin to think of the rise in sales in the hat industry. Women: what are you thinking?? That hat that looks like the underside of a crocodile looks absolutely ghastly on you. Might as well finish your jelly and fixate the jar on your head with some rubber bands and netting. Costs a lot less and you still can manage to look like an idiot! (Sorry, this one was so mean! Ah!)

But, I must admit, I enjoyed the wedding itself thoroughly.

Charlie Sheen

Plenty of other crack heads out there probably have funnier things to say than him. Who wants to listen to an arrogant asshole talk about himself all day? Not I, and neither does Denise Richards. That woman knew to get out of there as soon as Twitter became a prominent news source. I can't believe how many trending topics were focused on him. Although, the roast of Charlie Sheen was quite entertaining. Everything else actually encouraged me to stop watching Two and a Half Men just to spite him and his sad career.

Chaz Bono

If I want to see a sex change gone awry, I'll go to my nearest dragshow, thank you very much.

Lindsay Lohan's Playboy Debut (cause we know there's more to come)

Let's get some class, Lindsay. What is it with people's obsession with her? Is it the fact that she used to be all innocent in "The Parent Trap" and now she's the next best thing to porn? If that's the reason people love her so much, then we have an issue on our hands with some creepy weirdos living within our country's limits. It's disgusting (and sad) to me that she managed to have one of the highest sold editions in the magazine's history when you could easily go online and look at pictures of her naked without spending $4.99. At least save some money if you're going to be a creepo.

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Wow. My apologies on the ferocity and mercilessness of my ranting but I know you agreed with me on at least one or more of these 2011 headlines. Yes, I realize these are money-making stories with entertainment in mind, but in the midst of deadly earthquakes, anti-government bombings, and gubernatorial corruption, we need to get our focus back on track. Let's not dive into that, though. YUP.

In the words of the great Charlie Sheen: stay winning. (ew)

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Until next time,

erika

Thanksmas

Now Playing - You and Me by Rosie Thomas

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Hey All,

This is gonna be a short and sweet one. Last week I had the pleasure of spending the day with family in Wauwatosa for an early Christmas Extravaganza. The day involved eating til I couldn't fit anymore in my mouth, drinking a few Old Milwaukees and Manahattans, and watching the Packers get spanked by the Kansas City Chiefs (WHAT?!). Anyway, it got me feeling a little bit regretful that I hadn't been very receptive to extended family until I became an adult. The fun I had yesterday made me think of how I used to avoid family functions.

My brothers both live incredibly far away; one in Florida (soon to be South Korea) and one in Tennessee whereas I find myself in the upper half of the Midwest. I never appreciated what good friends I had in them until they were eons away. Nowadays, there are times when I break out in tears in the blink of an eye just thinking about how much I miss them. With this, it gets me thinking about every single person that's watched me grown up and been there for me and I've never been overtly thankful for their commitment to me.

To my extended family: my apologies on not reaching out to you until as of late. I only wish that we could be as close as some of my friends are to their aunts or uncles or cousins. And to my immediate family: you're the best thing in my life. If I could take you up to Milwaukee with me and give you a warm place to stay, I would in a heartbeat. And to my friends (family) in Bloomington: I never have forgotten you if I haven't seen you in a few years. You've all personally shaped my life in one way or another, and for that I can be nothing but thankful. I can only hope that I did the same for you.

Anyway, ALRIGHT! Merry Christmas (late) on a light note! Hope your smiles are as wide as my ass is today after eating almost to the brink of death yesterday. Love you all (even my random Russian and German readers)!

FAMILY!

(minus Ryan. I'll put him on the bottom, looking sassy, of course)

Until next time,

erika

Music Gr8's

Now Playing: Drunk by Ed Sheeran

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Hey, all!

I'm sure most of you know this, but I run. A lot. And not always because I want to, but because I have this man I call "Coach" that makes me get up everyday at an early hour I hope to never see again after I graduate. Luckily, now that I'm a senior, the Boss Man and I are as tight as a camel's ass in a sandstorm. This means a few days a week, I get to practice when I want to practice, when most of the other kids have to wake up at the butt crack of dawn.

So, the other night I was exercising alone on the indoor track, running countless laps with my iPod blasting my eardrums out of my skull. Unfortunately, when I run alone for an extended amount of time, I have to listen to music to keep my mind going. With that, I got to thinking, "I wonder if everyone can hear what music is playing?" With further self-deliberation, I realized that probably none of these people in here listen to what I listen to when I run. Or listen to what I listen to ever! I feel as if my brain was telling me to spread the news about some fantastic artists that many people haven't heard of. I'd like to think of myself as someone who has a good(ish?) taste in music, and I wanna show you all a few. Some of you maybe listen to these artists, some used to and are revisiting them, and some have never heard. But I think we all need a little of these slick musical pros -- in my opinion -- in our lives.

So, here's my top 8 (as of right now and in no particular order):

1. Kevin Hammond @iamkevinhammond

You're probably wondering the same thing: Why am I not dating that sexy man? And guys, you can even admit that he is a babe and a half. Come on, you don't have to tell anyone. Anyway, Kevin is actually from the Kenosha area and now tours across the nation spreading his talents across America. The guy plays all sorts of instruments, including acoustic guitar and piano, which harmonize perfectly with his vocals. He has the range of an angel, and manages to stay cute during the whole show. Songs like "Broken Down" and "Maybe" will undoubtedly repeat over and over in your head until all you can think about is Kevin serenading you at a candlelit dinner for two (or is that just me?). Regardless, reward your ears with a little audio pleasure and give him a listen; you won't be disappointed.

2. Cas Haley @cashaley



Cas made his debut in the music world during the second season of the hit NBC competition show "America's Got Talent." The guy entered the stage with a smile and an acoustic guitar and blew everyone away with his cover of "Walking on the Moon" (David Hasselhoff looks like a complete moron in this video, as usual. Plus, once Cas starts crying, I cry right along with him every time). Since then, he's come out with two albums, both of which are ear-candy and definitely worth downloading -- legally, of course. My personal favorites are "I Wish That I" and "Dread Head Dream," which both remind of evenings spent with toes in the sand. With his reggae beats and beach-bum style, his music is best listened to in the summertime with the windows down or around a campfire with friends. Ahh, I just love Cas.

3. Rick Seibold @RickSeibold

Yep, he's cute, too. And his voice? Cuter (although I'm not sure if he'd like the word "cute" describing his musical style). But regardless of what I think, look him up yourself. An old romance of mine sparked my love for him, and if anything good came from the relationship, it was discovering Rick Seibold's music. Although the video is a little creepy, check out "Mary." Everytime I treat myself by listening to it, my knee turns into a drum and my hands become the sticks. It's probably annoying, but great music makes me do strange things. While you're at it, listen to "Can't Go On" and "That's The Day." Well worth a download.

4. Angela McCluskey @angelamccluskey

Okay, so to be honest, I discovered Miss Angela in a Morgan Page's beat called "In the Air" that featured her throughout. Her fantastic addition to the song inspired me to scour the internet in search of more. And boy, was I happy I did that (see, mom and dad? House music can be useful... right?). Her raspy, 1930's-esque tone captures the room and fills the walls with soul and emotion. Although some may classify her as more of a "folk" artist, I consider her more jazz or blue-grass... at least her voice is. Regardless, she's wonderful. Check out her cover of the 1937 musical hit "My Funny Valentine" and her smashing piece "It's Been Done."

5. Mike Golden and Friends @MikeGoldenDaily

Somehow, a friend of mine that goes to Eastern Illinois University in Charleston, IL, has a connection to Mike Golden. So, I heard of his music through her raving about him and his group. Of course, I checked him out and fell in love. Clanking beer bottles paired with his guitar and amp, he pieced together my favorite song of his, "Stay Here." His EP that went along with that masterpiece, Trees Pt. 1, boasted several other fantastic hits. The second EP, obviously named Trees Pt. 2, holds my other favorite song, "Bones," which makes you want to yell along in the car with your eyes closed (although I wouldn't recommend this). To my friends in the Central Illinois area who don't know about Mike, go and see him! Now that I live in Milwaukee I can't go to his shows, so do it for me! And report back!

6. Diane Birch @dianebirch

Oh, boy. Diane Birch. Her CD "Bible Belt" consists of songs that make you want to cry, smile, scream and dance all at once. I can't find many other albums that packs so many feelings onto one disc. "Fire Escape" combines a phenomenal voice with raw emotion that you just can't help but sing along to. Although, there's a good chance you'll be an octave below or above because this girl has some damn range! And find yourself toe-tapping to her more upbeat song (rhythmically), "Valentino." She's definitely one everyone should take a listen to; someone with this much musical talent deserves it. Plus, she's such a cutie for you men out there!

7. Lissie @lissiemusic

Messy hair and freckles and all, Lissie is the whole package. Her single "When I'm Alone" came on 88.9 Radio Milwaukee on the way to work one day and I scrambled to copy down the lyrics so I could find it later and listen to it over and over and over. Which I did, happily. She's got a folky vibe to her, and as you explore her album "Catching a Tiger," a little country and bluesy-rock are pulled in. Look up "Cuckoo" and "In Sleep." Mmm, well worth it. Her rebellious nature is exuded throughout her CD, making her all the more badass. Plus, she's from Rock Island, IL: a small town to which I have a lot of ties to. Way to represent the Midwest, Lissie!

8. Jarle Bernhoft @bernhoft

First things first, yummy. Secondly, if I showed you an audio clip of this guy singing, you'd never know he was a small, nerdy-ish (but in a good way) white guy. You'd think more along the lines of a leader of a gospel choir or someone similar to John Legend. Not only can the guy sing, he often performs completely alone, using his guitar, beat boxing and a loop pedal that allows it to sound like an entire band is backing up his outstanding vocal cords. The song "C'mon Talk" (yeah, that's live) made me fall in love, along with others like "Choices" and "So Many Faces." Enjoy Jarle; I know you will.

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Long, I know. But so worth it! Take a look at these guys and expand your musical horizons! You'll be happy you did, and I'm willing to guess that some of the songs I talked about are going to be blasting through your headphones for the next few weeks. Thanks for hanging with me.

Until next time,

erika

Rih-diculous

Now Playing: The Writer - Ellie Goulding

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Hi, All!

I promise I will get a grasp on this whole "blogging" thing... it's bound to happen sometime (hopefully). It's a matter of finding something worthwhile to put on paper -- screen, rather -- that stem from these outlandish thoughts that float through this noggin of mine. Alas, here we are again, two weeks late and just as forgetful as ever. Hopefully I'll entertain.

The last few days I've tried to force my creative juices flowing in order to come up with alternative lyrics to Rihanna and Calvin Harris' hit song "We Found Love." No reasoning behind this pointless endeavor, just me driving from Naperville back to Brew City and finding any way possible to entertain myself. I substituted phrases like "We found nuns in a popeless place" and "We use rum as homeless bait" into the main chorus of the song. Yes, many of these resulted in an involuntary chuckle alone in my car. And, yes, crazy Chicagoans driving by may or may not have openly pointed at me to their children in their minivans (undoubtedly going 25mph over). But I remained unfazed.

This got me thinking, 'I could write a song just as well as any of these top dogs that flood our radios stations." I mean, think about it. Ke$ha (I just hated myself for putting that dollar sign in there). Her songs are basically synopses of her days -- from what she remembers -- and she makes millions! What does "Wake up in the morning feeling like P.Diddy" even mean? Does she feel like an egotistical millionaire black man who can't actually decide what his name should be? I mean, what the heck?

Other examples that come to mind are "Billionaire" by Travie McCoy and Bruno Mars, Backstreet Boys' "Everybody" and the absolutely ridiculous "novel" constructed by none other than the High Creep of All Creeps, R. Kelly: "Trapped in the Closet." Seriously, is this real life?:

"And she said please no don't stop / And I said I caught a cramp / And she said please keep on goin' / I said my leg is about to crack / Then she cries out/ Oh my goodness, I'm about to climax / And I said cool / Climax / Just let go of my leg" (Chapter 4)

And to think that this song was a chart-topper!

I didn't wake up this morning and decide, 'You know what? I'm gonna go online and bash the last decade of popular music.' Although these songs may have terrible lyrics, they sound much better than how they appear on paper. And even though I hate to admit it, R. Kelly has an exceptional set of vocal chords and exudes talent. And Bruno Mars? Voice of an angel. His last hit "It Will Rain" gives me goosebumps every time. And who doesn't love Ke$ha, I mean, honestly? You must admit that when "Your Love is my Drug" comes on that you find your knee bouncing or toe tapping along to the beat.

I just wish that the irrefutable, raw talent of these artists was equivalent to some of their lyrical choices. The Beatles -- arguably the most beloved band of all time -- found a harmony between these two components. Although "Yellow Submarine" is often questioned, it was actually written for kids, believe it or not. But beyond that, musical and lyrical genius. Although simple, "I Wanna Hold Your Hand" is one of the best songs, lyrically, ever (in my opinion). At least it makes sense.

I feel like with generations to come, songs about cooking breakfast in a third-floor loft or snorting cocaine off a toilet seat are going to fill our kids' ears in their hovercrafts. We have to stop this madness before it gets worse. Adults complain about music now? Psh, try 20, 30, 50 years.

Maybe some of these artists with great talent should just sit down and take an online Literature course or English class. I realize that most of these people don't even write their own lyrics, but hey, they can give suggestions to writers. Writers have to listen, or they wouldn't have a job. Come on, Katy Perry, use your cupcake boobs to your advantage and get someone to write better lyrics! Although "The One that Got Away" is pretty high quality.

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Once, again, a rant that really had no conclusive moral or theme seems to have been slapped on screen. But, I'm okay with that. I'm sure you've sat and thought of songs with horrid lyrics while in the midst of reading this. If you did, post them! I want to know more!

Thanks for hanging in there. Until next time,

erika

Struggle Central

Now Playing: Relator - Pete Yorn & Scarlett Johansson

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I am the worst at sticking to something I vow to do. And when I say that, of course I'm referring to the fact that I basically forgot about this blog the second I pressed "Publish Post" last week. Who would have thought that me forgetting about my blog inspired me to blog about forgetting things. Does that even make sense?

Now, there are the normal things one tends to forget about: doing the dishes when you're done, turning a light off, blowing a candle out (deadly, in case you didn't know). But I take forgetting to a whole new level. Forgetting to take the laptop off the top of my car before driving away and having it smash onto the freeway pavement (yeah, mom: you didn't know about that). Forgetting to get my change of $40 dollars at the grocery store, as well as an entire bag of food. Forgetting my phone was in my pocket as I jumped into the fountain back at home in good old Normal, Illinois.

Most of the time this "forgetting" nonsense is, plain and simple, bad. Although, they usually make for a good story. Regardless of the jokes we can make after the fact, we must focus on the process of forgetting itself: it means we left out an element of something. That our goal wasn't accomplished due to the process of "skipping a step" toward a goal... even if that goal is to simply keep my iPhone from getting waterlogged. These are just minor forgetful happenings. But forgetfulness can create life-changing issues, and these are the ones we need to focus on and actually care about, as well as be proactive about.

In America, one of the main objectives in life (for most of us, at least), is to make it on our own out in the real world. For many of us -- including me, -- that means moving away from home and starting school or work elsewhere. And those are the times that forgetfulness can screw you the heck over. In other words, forgetting to keep in contact with some of the people you truly care about. Or forgetting to write Mom a birthday card when she manages to send you a letter not only once, but every holiday, every year. Keeping positive ties is, in my opinion, the absolute worst thing to force to the back of your mind. These people made you happy while you were growing up, so why let that go to waste? They were there for you through sicknesses, break-ups and losses. Of course, you want to move on and grow. But, "moving on" doesn't mean you can't have relationships all over the map. These relationships can still grow even if you're apart and can turn into one of the biggest assets in your life.

There are obviously times where the goal itself is to forget. For instance, I wish all I could do is forget how my elementary school years ended with days full of ridicule and nights spent crying myself to sleep. How the only person I've ever truly loved didn't feel at all the same way. Or the fact that I wasn't close with my Grandpa before he died unexpectedly. Or that my Grandma is still so lost without him, even 10 years after his parting.

There is no moral to these thoughts or any solid conclusive sentence to leave you with. I guess these rambles stem from years of issues I've had with that little thing called "forgetfulness." I guess I'm just stirring up thoughts in hope that you'll stay on top of the goals that really matter. It can only benefit you in the long run.

Pardon the semi-depressing post; I know I said I'd entertain you. Maybe I did, but I doubt that I left you feeling anything near bliss. But I promise these will typically be spunky and fun! Just today was a little bit of an off-day. Thanks for sticking it out.

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If you really need entertainment, take a look: MARCEL IS BACK!!!

That's bound to cheer you up! :)

Until next time,

erika

Let meeee entertain you

Now Playing: You Won't Let Me - Rachael Yamagata

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A quick stop at Wal-Mart today to pick up a prescription sparked a sudden urge to celebrate Christmas like a grandma... obviously with crafting. What else would a 21-year-old senior in college want to do? And to think, all this was inspired by a glittery scented pinecone they stuck on an end cap to drown out the smell of Milwaukee construction and smelly children. Thanks for manipulating my young adult mind, Wally World. You trickster, you.

So, what other way to start my artistry than to head to MarthaStewart's website to get some ideas? Martha Stewart: although a little bit of a psychopath, she's got her stuff down. I think in order to be as successful as someone like her (well, that depends on how you define "success"), you have to be a little off in the noggin. Exploring that page can lead you to a.) discover new ideas to try within the comfort of your home, b.) distract you from work (whatever that may be) and c.) find something to spend your money on at your local Michael's or Hobby Lobby.

My good friends, Danielle and Erin, posted a Facebook picture of their successful attempt at creating one of Martha's holiday crafts: Magazine Christmas Trees. Not only does the site give step-by-step instructions, they also provide a video for those of you visual learners like me. However, in the hustle and bustle of failing at the next craft, no time was allowed today to make the cute little centerpieces. Later this week, I'm sure they're bound to be made (as long as I can find the motivation to put my fingers through agony due to creasing so many pages).

On to the second ambition of the day. My roommate and partner-in-crime for the evening, Kristi, told me about a craft she read about on Pinterest (her obsession) and we decided to dive in. Our drinking glasses always seem to escape the confines of our dated cabinets, so creating our own kitchenware using bottles around the house seemed like an inexpensive option. Given that we have tons -- probably too many -- wine and beer bottles in our house, these became our test subjects.

The process is nicely laid out on one of many how-to sites; I don't feel like typing it all out. Basically, using acetone or nail polish remover, cotton string, a bucket of cold water and some fiya (also known as fire), an ordinary person can create a smoothly-cut edge that can be sanded down to create the rounded lip of a drinking glass. Notice, however, that I said an ordinary person could do this. Since Kristi and I are extraordinary, we couldn't. Ever. No matter how many times we tried. Even searching for alternative ways only resulted in our eyes burning thanks to the amount of smoke in the house... and probably the guys' house upstairs. Oops. Not to mention the sound of every single one of our fire alarms going off probably interrupted their viewing of Monday Night Football or highlights of the Brewers' incredible season. Pictures are posted below of steps to help you reach ultimate failure just like we did. Enjoy.

But for real. Somebody please tell me that they've tried this, too, and couldn't achieve it, either. Then, at least I'd know that there are more than two of us idiots in the world. And then we could make a club: The Waste of Time and Effort Club. The name is a little raw, I know, but we can brainstorm a proper title at our first meeting.

As this may seem like an absolutely pointless post, it's not. And when I say "it's not," I mean it is. But hey, everyone has to start somewhere in the blogging world. So, here's my square one. With that, bear with me, guys. My goal in this escapade is not only to bring you all the comedic personality of Erika Hanson, but to also make way in the writing world and improve my skills across all sorts of media. As a major in Strategic Communications (advertising and PR in a nutshell), this kind of stuff does wonders to create a solid network. Now, I'm not sure if I'm supposed to address the reasoning behind my creating a blog, but I did it. So, deal with it (if you're still reading this and haven't gotten too bored). In the future, let me entertain you with rants from what rattles around inside this big, blonde head of mine.

"So, come on, let meeee entertain you..."

Funny how a murmuring a phrase can get a song stuck in your head. Dammit. Now I won't be able to sleep tonight.

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Fun Fact: I plan on always posting a "Now Playing" header at the beginning of all my posts, so please feel free to holler at me with some suggestions. But, don't get mad at me if I don't post your suggestion. This is my blog, so... yep. I love this feeling of power. Plus, the song I choose is subject to my mood, so if I post anything like Lonely Day by System of a Down, call my mom. That's just depressing.

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Oh, yeah! Here's the pictures I promised you:

1. Lighting the string and our hands on fire simultaneously. It looked cool but didn't smell cool.

2. Scrambling to get the bottle into cold water yet still nothing happens. And yes, those are yellow submarine ice cubes; they go great in Bloody Mary's! ;)

3. Kristi's attempt at a frown always turns into a smile. I guess the laughs we got from this occasion made it almost worth it.

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Theme of the night? Try and try again. And again. And again. And again. Until your house catches flame. Thanks for putting up with me. You rock; don't ever change. ;)

Until next time,

erika